Letter to God

Dear God,

All day I have been deep in thought and have speaking to You in my own way, just now as I write to You I find myself smiling and I know it’s because You’re with me. For weeks now I have felt alone, I have looked for You but could not feel You near me. I wondered why You had left me, what did I do to cause You to abandon me? Negativity was taking over my life and I could not see a drop of color in all the darkness I was faced it with.

I couldn’t understand why I lost them, we had waited for them, prepared our lives for them and as quickly as they came… they left. To lose and accept the loss was close to unbearable… to then have to be faced with worse news just about broke me and almost caused me to turn away from You. I felt as though You had left me and as I felt depressed when I lost my One & Two, this time felt so much worse, nothing nor no one could bring a smile to my face. But, when I felt there was nothing and when I felt my worst… there You were.

I don’t feel alone and I can smile because I feel You near me, beside me. While everyone sleeps, I stay wide awake with my thoughts. Thoughts that would normally break me, now only bring me an ounce of sadness because I know in my heart that You have lifted me and have taken away my pain so that once more I can live. For once, in a long time I do not feel alone because I know You are with me, because You have always been with me, because You knew/know that I could handle this and there will be a reason for it. Yes. I will be sad at times but I shouldn’t ever throw my life away because in time this too will pass and it will just be a dark memory. God, only You know what is to come and I will put my trust in You.

I can go on questioning. I can keep asking “Why me?” I can look back on my life and say, that yes, I’ve done everything right in my life. I’ve always been the good girl so why do I have to go through this? Why did this happen to me? But who do I think I am? What makes me better than everyone else? Only You know why You do what You do. Only You know why You choose this path for me and with this smile that is finally upon my face, I accept the path You have laid out for me. Thank You for the strength You have given me, I now know how strong I truly am.

Amen

“No one can explain how a baby breathes before it is born. So how can anyone explain what God does? After all, He created everything.” Ecclesiastes 11:5