Three and a half years later and I still don't know...

Back in the summer of 2007 I graduated with my bachelors in English with a concentration in Creative Writing. Very impressive and surprising right? As I have stated before, I never thought of getting my masters degree in anything and being the first in my family to obtain a degree I honestly thought I was done. I've done what others in my family have not and I've set an example. I made my parents proud and I for a moment I was proud of myself as well.

A year later I got a good state job at CSU, San Bernardino in the Public Administration office and then in less than two years I was promoted in that same department. While I love my job and I'm good at my job I feel that I need more. My classes are paid for here at CSUSB. All I really need to pay for are my textbooks so since I have this wonderful opportunity I should just get my master's degree, right?

I have been torn though, I feel that I just need to "Man Up" and make a decision already!

At first I was thinking I would get my MFA, Masters in Fine Arts with a concentration in Creative Writing. What am I going to do with this degree? Honestly. Nothing. One of my goals in life is to be published but I don't need a degree to have my work published. I just need to push myself, work hard and be dedicated with my work. So why waste another two years on a "fun" degree when I can get something that will help me.

Now, for some background on what I do at my job. I help MPA students get their degree. I advise them, mentor them, and guide them through the program. I help the professors and I manage the department. All the professors ask me from time to time why I'm not getting my MPA...I never have a good answer for them. The reason I have stayed away is because, I think it might be too hard. In any master's program students must maintain a 3.0 GPA, I'm terrified that I will not be able to do that and I will let myself down. I'm terrified because I will be showing a whole new side of myself to my co-workers/professors. How smart I really am not...

I feel that enough is enough though, I need to just grow up and do something that will mean something in my life. A masters degree in Public Administration will do just that, at least I think so. This time around I will be the first in my family to go after a master's degree and so I want to make the right choice, I don't want to fail. I have already reached out to a few professors and have asked for their advice, I've even asked a few MPA alumni and current students what they think about the program and the work load.

Talking to Mr. Husband he feels that it would be best for me to go after the MPA. He says that he will support me, he knows that I will succeed and doing something hard will make me grow. Mr. Husband is so smart and so right.

In addition to a masters degree I also want to be certified/fluent in ASL (American Sign Language). Three and a half years ago I took  a course and I fell in love with it, since then I kept saying that I will take more classes, have I? No. So, this will be something else that I will want to accomplish soon enough.

I have so much thinking to do and the clock is ticking... you're thoughts are very much appreciated and so if you want to offer up some advice please do. I'm more than happy to listen and take it all in.

Hard at work during a work event, always working with a smile

Back to School

After three and a half years I’m back in the class.



Textbook and notebook



I was so nervous on my way to class, I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing and I felt so lost. It was as though it was my first day in college all over again! I was terrified that I was in the wrong class; I double checked the class number three times! Then I sat there for five minutes and I was sure everyone thought I was the professor because I was dressed in my work attire. I didn’t know what to do with myself while waiting. I had nothing to read, nothing to look over so I just sat there and played with my phone. Pathetic.

Then I started to worry that something was going to go wrong at the office. I left an hour early and Assistant wasn’t there so the office was closed for a bit which never really happens. A professor still hadn’t picked up his syllabi and it was stressing me out. Not a good feeling to have while in class. Thankfully Assistant got back to the office in time to let the professor in.

Finally the professor walked in, introduced himself and bounced from one topic to the next. He seemed so nervous and shy. Turns out if I stay in the class I’m going to have to teach myself the topic which I hate. I have yet to find one person that thinks linguistics is fun and interesting. I now have to be positive and just keep up with the book and crazy notes that he has. He asked the class what we want to get from this class… well what do I want? I want a B or better so that I can get into the MFA program!

Now how much do I want to get into this graduate program? This morning I woke up and thought for a bit, which means I thought all morning and I’m still thinking! Do I really want to go to graduate school? It wasn’t until a year after I graduated with my bachelors that I thought that maybe this would be something that I would do. Never once during my undergrad did I think about going to graduate school. Me get a master’s degree? Why?  In what? And if I do get my degree what am I going to do with it? In all reality what I want most in life is to be happy and to travel and have babies with the most amazing man ever! Would it bother me to work at a university all my life? No, as long as I’m happy and in love then I’m blissful. It has always been a pleasure in my life to help people and working here I help students, professors and staff every day! I don’t take work home and I have my weekends off. What more can I ask for? I don’t need to be rich to be happy. Yet, there is one goal/dream that is haunting me from my childhood. To be a published writer! To have my name out there! This is why I want to get into the MFA program but I don’t need to have a degree to write. Look at me now, am I not writing? Is my name not out there now? Well yes, but I want to write books of short stories. I want to write a novella (type of book of short stories). I want this so bad and yet I always make so many excuses and tell myself that there is always tomorrow for that. Tomorrow never comes though and maybe the program will teach me to be more responsible and teach me to be a more active writer.

As much as I would like to drop the class I’m not going to. It’s not like I’m paying for it. Lucky for me working for the university allows me to take classes free. I just have to push myself and make time for my studies and dreams. I always push everyone else now I need to push myself. I can do this and I will do this. I know what I want in life and I won’t let anyone’s negative thoughts ruin my state of mind.