After three and a half years I’m back in the class.
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| Textbook and notebook |
I was so nervous on my way to class, I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing and I felt so lost. It was as though it was my first day in college all over again! I was terrified that I was in the wrong class; I double checked the class number three times! Then I sat there for five minutes and I was sure everyone thought I was the professor because I was dressed in my work attire. I didn’t know what to do with myself while waiting. I had nothing to read, nothing to look over so I just sat there and played with my phone. Pathetic.
Then I started to worry that something was going to go wrong at the office. I left an hour early and Assistant wasn’t there so the office was closed for a bit which never really happens. A professor still hadn’t picked up his syllabi and it was stressing me out. Not a good feeling to have while in class. Thankfully Assistant got back to the office in time to let the professor in.
Finally the professor walked in, introduced himself and bounced from one topic to the next. He seemed so nervous and shy. Turns out if I stay in the class I’m going to have to teach myself the topic which I hate. I have yet to find one person that thinks linguistics is fun and interesting. I now have to be positive and just keep up with the book and crazy notes that he has. He asked the class what we want to get from this class… well what do I want? I want a B or better so that I can get into the MFA program!
Now how much do I want to get into this graduate program? This morning I woke up and thought for a bit, which means I thought all morning and I’m still thinking! Do I really want to go to graduate school? It wasn’t until a year after I graduated with my bachelors that I thought that maybe this would be something that I would do. Never once during my undergrad did I think about going to graduate school. Me get a master’s degree? Why? In what? And if I do get my degree what am I going to do with it? In all reality what I want most in life is to be happy and to travel and have babies with the most amazing man ever! Would it bother me to work at a university all my life? No, as long as I’m happy and in love then I’m blissful. It has always been a pleasure in my life to help people and working here I help students, professors and staff every day! I don’t take work home and I have my weekends off. What more can I ask for? I don’t need to be rich to be happy. Yet, there is one goal/dream that is haunting me from my childhood. To be a published writer! To have my name out there! This is why I want to get into the MFA program but I don’t need to have a degree to write. Look at me now, am I not writing? Is my name not out there now? Well yes, but I want to write books of short stories. I want to write a novella (type of book of short stories). I want this so bad and yet I always make so many excuses and tell myself that there is always tomorrow for that. Tomorrow never comes though and maybe the program will teach me to be more responsible and teach me to be a more active writer.
As much as I would like to drop the class I’m not going to. It’s not like I’m paying for it. Lucky for me working for the university allows me to take classes free. I just have to push myself and make time for my studies and dreams. I always push everyone else now I need to push myself. I can do this and I will do this. I know what I want in life and I won’t let anyone’s negative thoughts ruin my state of mind.
