Love keeps me going...

Lets be honest.
No marriage or relationship is perfect.

I like to think that Husband and I have all the answers. That we're always happy and that nothing gets us down. Well that isn't close to the truth. Yes, 99% of the time we are as happy as can be but last month marriage was so hard. We were drowning and we didn't know what to do and didn't know who to turn to. Through it, I learned to be strong again. I learned to be independent again. I learned to let go and let him have his time on his own because we all need to get away sometimes and there is nothing wrong with that. Through it, I remembered how much I love him, how much in love I am with this man of mine. Through it all, we realized the honeymoon finally ended after three years. The honeymoon may have ended but we didn't. Through it I lost a friend that really wasn't ever a friend to begin with.

In many ways I'm thankful for this time in which I cried, in which I let myself go and just let everything happen but with me still fighting along the way. I learned that nothing is perfect, that our marriage is not perfect but that we're meant for each other despite that.

Some days we love each other more than life itself, other days we have to work at it. I'm happy Husband and I are past the days we had to work at it. Now I know when those days come again, (because let's face it, it's going to happen) we will make it out alive and happy once more.

Our marriage is different, we have so much more against us. His PTSD, his injuries, and my anxiety. Yet, we might have a lot more against us but love keeps me going, keeps us going and we're going to make it.

Video of Juan Breaking in his Christmas Gift...

After playing around with my phone and computer I finally figured out how to post the video of Juan breaking in his Springfield XD .45 long barrel. Here it is, hope you enjoy it! Husband is so cute!

Merry Christmas to all!!!

Sorry I've been m.i.a for a while.. almost a week and let's face it the last two posts were pretty lame. I've been stuck at a pity party that I threw myself and well just be happy you weren't my party bag! :)

So good news! Last week I was working out like crazy and my body loved me for it! Bad news? I'm sick and I didn't get to go today :( and so I am hoping to make it tomorrow. I feel a little better. I was suppose to go to Disneyland with my friend (we have annual passes) but I woke up so icky, :( we're hoping to be able to go before I go back to work next week.

Now what have I been up to that I have been so busy to post? Well other than working out twice a day during one of the rainy days Juan and I took out his Christmas present to break it in...



I only shot the gun three times, the kick was too much. My goodness does that gun have some power! I took a video with my phone but I'm not sure how to get it on my computer yet :( I can't email it to myself either because the file is too big. Husband was/is very happy with his gun. He can't wait to take it out again. He's thinking of getting me my own gun but I don't know about that. I think I'll stick to renting. One gun in the house is enough...

Well then it was Christmas Eve! We spent it with my family as we do every year. I'm so happy to have such a thankful Husband that will not fight me on this! We had such a wonderful time. We waited until my lil big brother got home from work and then had a late dinner. We hung around and the kids played and then at midnight the gifts were opened!

This year I added color to my tree, last year it was all black and white. This year something just came over me and I added a lot of bright colors! The tree to the right is my mom's tree. This was the picture before all the gifts were opened! As you can tell I the kids were fully awake at midnight! Nothing was going to keep them away from opening presents!!! 

Let me just add that I have been using my Nikon D3100 and almost all of my pictures have now been taken with this amazing camera!!! I just love it!! I can't wait to really get into taking pictures!!

Christmas day was spent with my in laws. We had a wonderful turkey dinner planned and I set the table as best as I can. I waned to add more but I also wanted there to be enough room for everyone.



Husband "cooking"




Dinner is ready!!



Now, I'm a very controlling person. I want everything to always be right and perfect. I was hoping to have a wonderful and beautiful dinner with my in laws. Sadly, it didn't work out that way. My in laws brought an extra person which they did not tell me so I had to somehow add an extra place setting and then my lil sister in law was late to dinner because she was with her boyfriend (who we invited but he didn't want to attend). Then when Juan cut into the turkey it wasn't fully cooked and the food was getting cold. As much as I tried dinner just went to crap. But at least the table setting was nice for a few moments.

After my panic attack and my venting to Juan we took off to the movies. Juan and I have been doing this since we have been dating. Every Christmas we go out and watch a movie. This year it was Black Swan. LOVED THE MOVIE! The plot was amazing and it was so different! I'm so happy I got over my anxiety and went out.

I really do hate having such bad social anxiety. It gets in the way of being happy and having a good time. I try to fight it but sometimes it just gets the better of me. Not many people understand that side of me, it's something I just can't help nor control. I'm working at it though.

m.i.a

Sorry I haven't been blogging. I mean to but then I just get so busy or so tired. On the brightside I have been going to the gym.

Maybe tomorrow I will feel like writing more.

Christmas Cards

For three years now I have been sending out Christmas cards. I also, from time to time send out birthday cards, or just random cards to let people know I think of them. I just think that in a world today with so much technology that we all forget just how nice and amazing it feels to get mail. All we ever get in the mail now in days is bills and junk mail. How often do you get a card in the mail? Not very often.

I always send out my Christmas cards early December, just so then people will feel like Christmas is all year long. Today I got three cards! I have been getting one a week and then today BAM! I got three! It just made me feel so special to get them, each one of them! I always place them in my tree and I save them too!

I even mail out a Christmas card to my parents and they live next door! Yes, I pay the postage and everything! I just love making people feel special.

I honestly feel that I live by the golden rule. Treat others as you would like to be treated. I give the way I would like to be given. I love the way I would like to be loved. I respect the way I would like to be respected. Now this isn't always the way things happen. Half the time people use me. Half the time people forget about me when they realize that there is someone better at the moment. Then out of nowhere they come back to be my friend and I'm happy like a fool but sooner or later they kick me away like a dog...

Okay I'm not sure where that came from but I guess I just got really real there for a moment. Sometimes I can't help but open up. Sometimes I can't help but just let go and let everything out. I guess this time around it was one of those moments. I went from talking about Christmas cards to talking about how I feel and how people make me feel at times.

Happy Birthday to Husband!

Today was/is Husband's birthday. He had to go to work today though but he didn't mind. He is so responsible and he is very dedicated to his job. How old is Husband today? TWENTY-SEVEN! My goodness I still remember when he was SEVENTEEN! How time has flown by!

Just look at that baby face of his!

Again, today it has been raining non-stop. I went over my parents' house for breakfast, have I mentioned that I live next door to my parents? So all I had to do was walk right over, no need for driving. I spent so much time with my mom, just talking and then we sat down and she tried to teach me to knit (two needles). My goodness I never knew just how hard that can be! But with time and practice I will be able to add knitting to one of my many talents/passions. She was learning how to make cupcakes from YouTube. My baby brother wanted an Army looking cupcake. So far it looks really cute! My sister-in-law gave me a hot pink cupcake and I have it in my Christmas tree... I think next year I will fill my tree up with cupcakes!! I hope it looks nice. I'll spend the whole year making cupcakes. Should be fun! First I have to learn how to make them!

When Juan got home he had to take off again for his appointment. While he was gone I made him some chocolate cupcakes, no frosting because Husband doesn't really care for frosting. I got to use my cupcake maker that Husband got me for our three year anniversary.



Yummy chocolate batter! I couldn't help but sneak a little taste! YUMMY!!!

Yeah I was a little mess, could you blame me? It's my first time
using it.

The yummy outcome!


My goodness just look at those amazing cupcakes!! They look perfect!!! If you are planning on getting the cupcake maker I say you get it! It is so much fun and it is so cute!! The cupcakes get baked so fast! I was amazed! I honestly thought it was going to take forever to bake but no! Sure you can only bake six at a time but it isn't so bad.

When Husband came home he changed and we went to dinner at Olive Garden. After that we went to Starter Brother's and shopped for the Christmas dinner we plan to have at our house. I hope all goes well and works out. It will be only with my in-laws but it will be nice.

Tomorrow I hope the rain isn't to awful. I did notice that when I was at my parents' house the rain wasn't so bad but I was having such a nice time with my mom that I didn't want to leave. I will head straight to the gym for two hours and then if time permits spend time with my Mama again :)

Before I take off I must also say that it was/is my big brother's birthday. Husband and him share the same birthday. I sent him his gift and he LOVED it. I'm so happy that he did because I wasn't sure if he would.

Today was such a wonderful day, life is so beautiful, even when the rain is non-stop.

Oh Rain, Rain, Rain...

It has not been stooping to rain but thankfully I love it! There are many people that don't but hey we need it and it just sounds so beautiful!

Recap of the weekend:

Friday: I was suppose to go to yoga with Val but Husband wanted to see TRON as soon as I got of work. LIES! I had thought he had bought the tickets but nope. He even ended up wanting to watch it with my little brother so we didn't go until 9:00 p.m. oh well.

TRON, I loved it. I loved the music because well who doesn't love Daft Punk! I loved the graphics and everything! What I didn't like is the fact that there are too many little kids who are sadly adults that just don't know how to act in a theater! Why would you play $12 for a ticket and then play musical chairs, jump over the chairs and talk nonstop! Oh let's not forget the texting!! My goodness! I wanted to tell them to shut up but I just didn't want to have to deal with them being dramatic because they think that it's okay for them do act this way and bothers those around you. I guess thankfully because of the rain there weren't that many kids at the theater. Thank goodness!!



The Happy Birthday Boy!

Saturday: We were suppose to go to the shooting range but somehow all we ended up doing is sleeping in and being lazy. I for one didn't get out of bed until 3:00 p.m. I have not been able to do that in so long. I have been busy and busy and I just didn't have to get out of bed if I didn't want to. That night though was Juan's birthday dinner with the friends. I invited a lot of our friends but only two of our friends ended up going and our little siblings. I was sad because there weren't that many people going, Husband said that he didn't care. The people that care about him are going to be there and that is all that matters. The people that can't or don't even try well that's on them. It's not everyday that he tries to celebrate his birthday. Dinner was amazing! We went to Buca de Bippo and everyone had a very happy tummy at the end of the night! I for one paid for it today at the gym! Just look at that food!

I was so full at the end of night! Everyone was! And you know what? We surprised everyone by paying for the dinner. We didn't let anyone pay. Why? Because it's a few days before Christmas and all we really wanted was for our friends to spend the time with us!

RIGHT: The Zamorano kids! Daisy was sick and she still came to the dinner...maybe not the best choice because were are now so scared to end up sick like her! I don't think we will though, gotta think healthy to stay healthy!

LEFT: Me and my little brother! He will always be there for us! We love him so much! I bought him that purple shirt and he rocks it so good! Might I add that it took Juan FOREVER to get a good picture of us because he fears my new awesome camera!

RIGHT: David and Celestie! The two friends that we can always count on to go to our dinners. No matter what they have planned they will be there. They had a family Christmas dinner that they needed to go to and they put that on hold so that they could be there for us! How awesome is that! They really are the best fun friends we have! Oh but let me not forget that Celestie meant to do that face! Silly goose!

Oh did I mention that we also had cake! Yes, there was no way that we were not going to try the celebration cake this time around! But not that many of us liked it. Well more like David and Daisy and well Juan didn't want to try it because he was soooooo full! Plus he also had his own brownie!

SUNDAY: Didn't do much, I have been having a moody day so I have stayed away from people and Husband has been trying to make me happy. I went to the gym and had a good time there but once I left the moodiness came back. So Husband told me he would take me shopping, that didn't make things any better because well, people are Christmas shopping and the people that are crazy looking for last minutes gifts are so rude. Why? I have no idea. Where is the joy? Why are people not happy?

Readers: Are you done shopping? Who was the hardest person for you to shop for? Did you give this year?