LittleBit Update

Where have I been?

Why are there no updates on the pregnancy?

I have been debating about posting the latest update because it is so hard for me to get out but maybe it will help. I hope.

First, there were no updates because I had nothing to update. I went for two appointments; one was to get my information down and a bunch of blood work from me. Another was a class about what I should eat and how to stay healthy and what is to come. This class was boring and such a waste of time. I for one didn’t learn anything new.

Then came the date in which I was going to finally get to see my baby! Friday, May 27^th. I got to meet my doctor and I was excited and nervous to finally see LittleBit. I was told that I was going to be able to hear/see the baby’s heartbeat. Mr. Husband & I were very excited. The appointment wasn’t full of smiles and joy though. In fact through the appointment I had to fight way my tears.

The vaginal ultrasound showed two sacks. Twins the doctor said and then when he kept looking around he started to question. Have I been nauseous? Am I vomiting? Have I been spotting? Yes, No and No. Mr. Husband held my heart as we found out that the doctor couldn’t find LittleBit one or two. All he could see were two sacks. The doctor then said that it could be that the pregnancy is very early OR that it’s a bad pregnancy. I could be pregnant but there is no baby (or babies).

Now, I’m having blood work done every three days and on Friday the RN will be calling me for the results as to what is going to happen, what is going on with my pregnancy. On Monday, (I have no idea what time) I will be having an ultrasound done in hopes that my LittleBit One and Two are growing. What if they’re not?

The will cause me to miscarry and I will lose the pregnancy. Mr. Husband and I will then have to start over…

Every day, every night, just about every moment of the day I have been praying for my LittleBit One and Two. I’m told to be positive, that all will work out but the tone that the doctorhas , the tone that the RN has… well it doesn’t sound like good news.

I'm scared, I'm worried... but I'm holding on to hope. I have to stay postive for myself, for Mr. Husband, for LittleBit One & Two

Showing signs and just plain showing!

I feel as though the moment I found out that I was pregnant I started to show! Now I have this pregnant gut and it's not because I'm eating everything in sight. No. I eat as I always have and yet, I have a baby bump! A baby bump! I'm only about seven weeks. 

I just hope people don't look at me and think of me as a fat slob because I'm not (fighting back the tears). I don't even want to eat greasy food. YUCK! I do feel the need to work out but don't because I have felt so tired. 

This is normal. Everything I'm going through is normal. BUT! What I find odd is that I have yet to throw up. I feel nauseous at times and I upchuck but I have yet to throw up.... maybe that is why I have the baby bump already??? 

My tummy feels sore and I feel weak but it's normal. I'm always sleeping and always want to sleep but this is normal. I have cravings already and Mr. Husband is being so good at helping me satisfy these mini cravings. 

I can't wait until I finally get that energy I need to start working on the baby room... 

I have my first doctor's appointment on Friday and I can't wait! I already have so many questions! 

This past weekend I bought two books to help me through this part of my life: 

Now I know what some might be thinking. A book can't really let you know what you're going to be going through. Okay yeah that might be true but I am a student of life and I love to read so let me be. Now if you have any good books you have read please share! I love to read!

I started off with "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and well... this book is boring and I feel that I need to find the information I need. This is written like a textbook of science. YAWN! Either way I will read it and I am sure I will find some helpful information... at least I hope! Since I felt this book to be such a bore I moved on to "Belly Laughs." 

The book is by Jenny McCarthy so I figured it would be a good laugh. Can you believe that I learned so much from this book in the first five pages than I did with the other?! Guess what? This book is full of the honesty. McCarthy does not sweeten what happened to her and what can happy to you. This is what I need. 

You mean, everything that is going on with me right now IS normal! OH!!! No need to fear. 

You mean just about EVERYONE poops on the table when in labor and in reality when and if it happens I'm not going to care? 

Now there are parts of the book that just about scared me to the point that I almost cried! I thought to myself, "Why didn't I read this before I choose to get pregnant this year?" Women don't really tell you what they go through, it's as though they're scared or maybe they're more private than I am. Either way I know when anyone of my friends/family gets pregnant after me and if they have questions or want the truth I will off it up. 

This book is not just a book for women who are expecting or plan to get pregnant. I think just about everyone would enjoy to read this book. It will at least make you laugh many and many times! Plus if you thought in the past that pregnant women can't possibly have it that bad well PLEASE read this. I have always had a respect for pregnant women but now after this book I hold a much deeper respect for them. 

Thankfully, so far I'm having a good pregnancy thus far. I'm a little scared but I know that a year from now I will have my baby and life will be different but I will be happy with my LittleBit in my arms. I'll make sure to keep you all posted but I will TRY to leave out the scary details. I've already left out a few things that could sicken a few of you :). 

As always, thank you for reading! 

The Story...

I'm pregnant.

Friday May 13th, 2011 at 1:16 p.m. I found out that I'm pregnant. Lucky for me I wasn't alone when I was told the good news. Here is the story:

I worked a half day that day since I was going to have to work on a Saturday. Vero and I made a date to go for boba tea and do some shopping. When we got to the tea house in Loma Linda I received a call from an unknown number and so as always I ignored it. If it's important then they will leave a message. Turns out it was important. I checked my voicemail and it was my doctor's assistant leaving me a message to call back for an urgent message from my doctor. I have never had my doctor call me and since the week before I had gone in for some blood work because I thought I may be pregnant I thought they could have found something wrong. You see I had read the test results to be negative. I wasn't pregnant and so I came up with the conclusion that Juan and I were going to have to try extra hard to get pregnant. But that wasn't the case. The assistant called me wondering why I hadn't called in to make an appointment since the test came out positive. I instantly lost my breath. I asked the assistant about five times if I was pregnant and those five times she answered yes. At that moment I couldn't stop smiling, I went back in the tea house, stood in front of Vero and told her that I was pregnant. We were both overjoyed! I just about started crying because it was finally happening. Mr. Husband and I are expecting!

That night Mr. Husband and I went to dinner. I had the gift I had bought last month when we deiced that yes, it was time to begin our family. After we ordered our dinner I told Mr. Husband I had a surprise for him but he had to let me record him while he opened the box. In the box he found:

When he opened it this is what he found 

Close up

He was scared to open the box, for some reason he thought that something alive was in it. Why he thought that, I have no idea. Either way once he finally read the tag he was so happy and overjoyed! His smile said it all. He kissed me even though I had bright lipstick on and he then didn't know what to do with himself. Right away he let his co-workers know and he just kept looking at me with such joy in his eyes. It almost made me cry. Once the food came he wasn't able to eat because he was so excited and overjoyed. Already, he is caring for me and babying me. He thinks we're having a boy, I just hope to have a wonderful healthy baby.

When I told my parents my mom said she already knew. A mother always knows. My dad wouldn't let me go once he started to hug me. My family is excited as are my close friends.

I'm seven weeks and one day so far and I'm being very careful and trying to get as much rest as possible since I'm very tired. Tuesday, was my first appointment, Mr. Husband wasn't able to go due to work but I had my VeroBabies there with me thankfully.

Yesterday I went over my parents house after sleep just about all day and my baby brother bought LittleBit (what we plan to call our baby since we don't want to use IT) first gift:

It plays a lullaby and I love it! I asked my little brother who is seven if I'm having a boy and he said "I don't know." Either way, LittleBit now has a toy to add to the collection that is soon to come I'm sure! My dad already talks to my belly which if you can believe it or not... I'm already showing a bit. It looks like my blotted!  

I'm just so happy and overjoyed. I'm pregnant and due in early January 2012.

Week One and Plus...

It went by fast but already it has been a week (and then some) without Facebook. It was an odd feeling at first. During this week I thought about what I could be missing and how I felt out of place. That feeling soon passed.


I then remembered the posts that I did not care for:


"I'm hungry... I need to get some food."
"Ugh. It's Monday."
"Blah blah Laker game blah blah."
"Yay! It's Friday! Time to drink."
"Stuck in traffic."
"FML"

There wasn't much to miss... There isn't much I'm missing. But still I kind of miss that social network... Soon enough I will be back at it but for now... I like that my phone doesn't go off all day due to dumb posts. I like how I don't wake up to posts about how people got high and drunk. I like not finding out that people lie to me but then Facebook rats them out because they're too dumb to keep up with that said lie. I like not getting hurt by people in such an odd way.

Now I must admit that I'm guilty in publishing lame posts but I have learned! I think when I go back (whenever that may be) I won't be the same... No. I know I won't be the same.

Bin Laden's Death

Early this week a co-worker of mine sent me the following article and I feel the need to share. You see, when I first heard that Bin Laden was killed I ran into the bathroom where Mr. Husband was taking a shower and I screamed, "Bin Laden is dead!" He couldn't believe it at first just as I couldn't either. He lost a year and a half of his life in Iraq, a year he will never get back. He came back a different person and he came back injured in many ways. It's been years since he has been home but he is still isn't able to live life as he was able to before his deployment. 

With this bittersweet news everything came rushing back.

The day he told me that his unit was being deployed.

The day we married before he left. 

The call from the Red Cross that he was injured. 

The day he finally came home and he told me just what he went through. 

I remembered everything... my family and my friends that had soldiers in their lives. How we all suffered and hurt and now... Bin Laden is dead. 

BUT! 

Don't think that we are jumping up and down with joy. We're worried of what may happen... what is to come. 

The following article hit me hard because it's true and with everyone talking about the death and saying that the government lied and if it did happen then where is the proof? Where are the pictures? The video? If you feel this way then so be it but please take a look around you before you say anything. There may be a veteran near you, a widow beside you, a child who lost their parent in this war.

My Hero. My Love. My Husband.

Osama's Death: the Emperor has no clothes, and neither does the crowd

Wednesday, May 4, 2011 at 8:23am

Now, don't get me wrong -- I know that no one gives a shit about a random 26-year-old woman's opinion regarding the assassination of Osama Bin Laden. But all the celebratory news articles and the reemergence of "I love America" and "Proud to be an American" bumper stickers are beginning to piss me off. So I'm going to share my thoughts with you anyway.

What Osama's Death Doesn't Mean

 1...terrorism is not "dead."

2...acts like 9/11 can't still happen again.

3...we should act like obnoxious hypocrites, as though none of America's leaders have been responsible for the deaths of millions of people all over the globe. America just does it in more indirect ways and to people who "aren't important."

4...we should celebrate like a bunch of barbarians. The death of any person should never be taken lightly, especially the death of a highly public figure with many followers; there will be both negative and positive consequences. 

5...we should flood the news stations and papers 24/7 with news about Osama's death. Between Osama and the Royal Wedding, I didn't know a goddamn thing about what was going on in the world for days because few organizations were talking/writing about anything else. Between May 2 and today, the bodies of dozens Mexican men have been discovered  on or near the border in mass graves. Gender-based sexual violence rages on in the Congo--more women have been raped and/or killed, since rape has become a weapon of war. In Johannesburg, a lesbian was raped to "cure" her lesbianism (termed "corrective rape"). Kenyan officials have been pleading with the United States for help in securing more condoms for their people, as news spread that a condom shortage had resulted in the reusage of condoms. After a long wait, the Associated Press reported on May 3 that an independent, international probe into ethnic bloodshed in southern Kyrgyzstan found that the military handed out weapons to Kyrgyz mobs who attacked minority Uzbeks last summer (i.e., government-sponsored violence against minorities). But all of these events are difficult to read or hear about when every news channel and news paper is focused on the details of Osama's assassination and Kate Middleton's Alexander McQueen dresses.

What Osama's Death Does Mean

1...very brave men and women put their lives on the line to carry out the dangerous orders given to them, and they successfully completed their mission. Whether one agrees with the killing of an unarmed assassin or not, we can at least acknowledge the bravery, skill, and dedication of the Navy Seals and those who assisted.

2....we've now angered some very, very determined, indigent people by assassinating their leader. I worried about the implications.

3...as a nation, by our reaction, we've showed what type of a country we are: one that celebrates death, demands and expects revenge, and fails to put current political climates and actions in context. How have we come to be in this situation today? What led to the assassination of Osama Bin Laden? Think back -- decades back. Look up Russian, Afghani, and American history (in fact, all of Middle Eastern history) and then put Osama's life and death in perspective. The fact that 9/11 happened; that the actions that led to 9/11 happened; that our nation is now degrading itself by publicly  mistaking the death of another human being with justice...Tell me, what is there to celebrate in that? 

If any victims of the 9/11 attacks, military personnel, and their families experience a moment of solace from his death, then at least we can be grateful for that silver lining. I cannot even imagine the pain and loss many Americans have experienced since September 11, 2001. But violence begets violence. Ignorance begets violence. Self-righteousness begets violence.

And I end with some quotes, written/spoken by those who can express my thoughts better than I:

"To take a life when a life has been lost is revenge, not justice." - Desmond Tutu 

‎"It's just really tragic after all the horrors of the last 1,000 years we can't leave behind something as primitive as government sponsored execution." - Russ Feingold

“To me the death penalty is vengeance, and vengeance doesn't really help anyone in the healing process.” - Bud Welch, Board President, Murder Victims’ Families for Human Rights. His daughter Julie was killed in the Oklahoma City bombing

‎"Forgiving violence does not mean condoning violence. There are only two alternatives to forgiving violence: revenge, or adopting an attitude of never-ending bitterness and anger. For too long we have treated violence with violence, and that's why it never ends." - Coretta Scott King

Just you wait... this too will pass

It’s amazing how life works.

One day you feel alone.

You feel as though no one cares about you.

You feel no one wants to talk to you, must less, spend time with you.

 It makes you just want to cry.

Or rather it makes ME want to CRY.

But I tell myself that I things will get better, that things could be worse.

I tell myself that I am over thinking all of this and as always, being way too sensitive.

Then…

Out of the blue I hear from an old friend and it’s only me hearing from this one friend. It isn’t via Facebook to comment on some random post or random picture. There is an actual conversation happening. There are questions being asked and answers given. There are passions be shared and plans being made. There is a conversation happening and it’s happening with me. There is someone that wants to talk to me (outside of family and work). It’s a wonderful feeling that someone actually reached out to me rather than me always reaching out to others.

Have YOU ever felt this way?

It’s a strong amazing feeling. At least for me it is/was.

Because of this I now feel the need to reach out to friends I haven’t talked to in months, or even years. Friends, people I know… what if they feel the way I feel, have felt? What if they too are waiting for someone? Waiting, as I was and yet I didn’t even realize just what I was waiting for.

Because I pushed on to be positive and stay positive I wasn’t caught in the “Swamp of Sadness.”

I will let this be proof that it is always best to be positive and not dwell on the past. To push onward because if I’m feeling bad now, in a few seconds I could possibly be feeling amazing!

Simple 7

1. Fridays are... for slacking off at work, for date nights (at home or out and about), for shopping, for staying up later than usual, for relaxing with Mr. Husband, for meeting up with friends I've missed ALL week.

2. Sleeping in late, cuddling with Mr. Husband watching a good or bad movie, spending an entire day reading an amazing book front to back, laughing so hard I cry, being married to my best friend, random text messages from: Mr. Husband, My Parents, VeroBabies & JenJen, weekend trips, taking pictures with one of my many cameras, walking my puppies with Mr. Husband, being able to improve on my running... make me terribly happy.

3. What inspires me is... nature, Pintrest, people who take seemingly nothing and make it into something inspire my hope that there is more for me out there, animals, good loud music.

4. If I had the day off today I would... stay in bed a little longer to sleep a little bit more. Play with BOBA. Make dinner for Mr. Husband. Clean and organize the house. Visit the best neighbors ever (my parents). Try to meet up with VeroBabies. Go for a run. Maybe go shopping.

5. If I had to put a label on my home decor style, I would say my style is... simple yet cluttered.

6. Concerning politics I would say I'm... Switzerland.

7. I'd like to... travel the world so I could... see the point of view of others. I want to be able to know what it would feel like to live in Canada, Africa, Egypt, Russia and so on. I want to learn about life by traveling and understand people not only by understand those always around me but those I would never meet if I didn't get up and do something. I want to see everything first hand and not through movies, pictures, books.

What about you?

Today is my last...

Yesterday I woke up wondering what I would do without facebook.

How my life would be without

Facebook...

I talked to my friend who deleted her account a few weeks ago. No warning from her. I thought she may have deleted me but it turned out that she just deleted the account. She felt that she was spending too much time on Facebook and just needed to regain control of her life.

How is she handling it?

Just like anything it's hard to give up something that you enjoy and are addicted to but after a little while you get use to not having that something in your life. She says that she feels as though she has so much more free time and she has gotten so much more done without Facebook being in the way.

Today is my last day that I will be logging on to Facebook. I don't plan to delete it but I did disable a lot of things on it. I won't be checking it and if people want to get in contact with me, if they want to me to know something well then they can call me, text me, email me or even meet up with me! I know for some that is hard to grasp.

Why?

I have been thinking how our generation is obsessed with social networking. We hardly ever make time to meet with people in person and when we do... there isn't much to talk about because everything is and was broadcasted on Facebook, twitter, etc.

I tried to remember how life was without MySpace (I deleted that long ago but it did come first) or Facebook but I wasn't remembering clearly. Yes, Facebook is a good thing if you're not addicted to it, if it does not take up your time and if you're not checking it all the time to see what people are doing.

I like that I am able to watch my friends' kids grow day by day. I like that my family can be in contact with me and see what I'm up to when I don't see them very often and I like that you are able to reconnect with old friends (that you actually want to reconnect with).

What I don't like is the drama!

Sometimes you type something and people take it the wrong way. You don't mean anything by it but they took it as though you did and so you're an awful person for that. There is nothing you can do about it either but you are left with this awful feeling that your hurt someone when you didn't mean to and you weren't trying to and...

THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE THAT. SORRY IS NOT ENOUGH.

But...

it's on Facebook, the world has read it, they have passed judgment and you're an awful person.

This has happened to me many times! I'm blunt and I get annoyed easily and so people take me the wrong way. Well, I don't want to have to walk on eggshells and worry about what people think when in reality they're not that important in my life and I'm not important in their life either.

Oh I use to go to grade school with you, you found me and now you want to pick a fight with me over the internet? Oh you knew my husband in high school and you know some of my close friends and now you feel that because of that you too are my friend?

Really? No, thank you.

I know that seems harsh but I just need to get away from that drama. I'm a sensitive person and a very emotional person and nonsense like that does take a lot out of me. At this point in my life I don't need that. Needless to say, when I do go back to Facebook I will be removing more people that I just don't need in my internet life. I'm a pretty public person, an open book and there are some people that just don't need to know everything about my life because I've learned that they don't really care. They're just nosey and like to gossip, not that there is much to gossip about me. I'm pretty much a goodie-goodie.

I will miss a few things,

• The pictures people post
• The links people share, sometimes people share some really interesting things
• The funny stories people post
• The advice you can get from different people but just asking

I will miss that and more but I will take this time to grow in different aspects in my life.

I plan to:

1. Lean to deal with my anger and not let the little things bother me

2. I will work on my writing, blog

3. I will work on my so called art

4. I will go back to my love of reading, last night I started to read the Bible again

5. I will meet up with friends more

6. I will learn what and who matters

7. I will be open to so much more and do more

You might think that Facebook doesn't take that much time out of your life. Maybe it doesn't and I for one think that it doesn't but I want to see if it does. This is like a test for me. What will my life be without Facebook?

I'll make sure to document it so that my fellow Facebook users will know. Last night I even deleted my Facebook app on my phone and now it begins tomorrow...

a life without Facebook...

I wonder if I will be missed...

Dinner and a Show

Years go when one of my uncles was staying with us he put on a show I had never heard of or seen. 

Cirque du Soleil - Quidam

I still remember that night and I remember the show. 

A little girl ignored by her parents opens the door to a headless man and puts on his blower hat. She is then taken into a magical land of wonder and amazement. I instantly fell in love! The music! The art! The performances! 

A few years later on cable you were able to watch little shows of Cirque du Soleil but for some reason that didn't last long. 

A few years ago (2008) I got to watch my first Cirque du Soleil show at Las Vegas. We watched O and the moment it began I had tears in my eyes. There I was, fulfilling one of my childhood dreams, to be able to watch a Cirque du Soleil show live! It was beautiful and amazing! I wanted more and I planed to watch them all! The year after we watched Le Reve. This year I was lucking enough to finally watch the show that started it all...

The moment I realized that the show was going to be here in Ontario I knew that Mr. Husband was going to take me! 

Last night, along with my little big brother we went to dinner. The whole time talking about just how much we loved Cirque du Soleil growing up and after dinner we were on our way to watch that show that started it all! As always when it began there were tears in my eyes, it's just so beautiful and I find myself speechless! If you have yet to watch a show of Cirque du Soleil then you must! You too will fall in love with it, just as everyone else does! 

Here is a video of just watch this amazing show is about:

As always, you're not able to take any cameras into these shows but I was able to sneak some in during the intermission and when it was ending, yes I was naughty. I'm sorry about the poor quality, I took the pictures with my camera phone.

Mr. Husband & I 

Our view (this one was taken before the show started, as always we were early)

Little Big Brother & I

The show is ending... 

The End

I'm so happy and thankful I had the chance to watch the show that started it all! It was beautiful! Not many people think to actually go to these shows but it is a MUST! 

Shows I've been lucky enough to watch so far:

One of the best shows 

In July we wil be watching:

This will be in L.A. so I'm going to do my research to find the perfect play to have dinner before the show!