Things Change...

There was a time in which I was a size 0; yes, I’m sure that to many of you that is hard to believe.

I am now a size 10/12 and I'm happier now then I was then.

There are a few times that I do feel FAT but that is only because I let other people make me feel this way. I let them hurt me and scare me; I let them push me down when I’m happy with myself. They only do this though because they're not happy with the way they look, admit it negative people! 

They say, real women have curves and oh my goodness! Do I have curves! 

I have hips to spare that made me look wide at times but most of the time just make me stand out in good positive, beautiful ways. I have a butt that makes Mr. Husband go crazy and a bust that is a little above average when it feels like it. I have strong beautiful legs that have scars that can tell you stories. And yes, I have a little gut but I don’t work out often and I eat what I want, when I want. I don't stop myself from having what I love or worry people around me about what I can and can't eat. 

Skinny isn’t the only beauty (but still beautiful), I am beautiful with curves. There are so many women out there that feel they're not pretty enough because of whatever reasons they can come up with. If I wanted to be negative and focus on what people say then I would be a sad person, I don't want that. I have enough to worry about in life. Let’s not focus on the negative, let’s focus on the positive. You are beautiful just the way you are. If you are unhappy for one reason or another stop being negative and start doing something about it. There are very few things that bother me about myself, I can count them on one hand. 

1. I wish I could lose 3-5 inches from my tummy 

2. I wish I was a little more tone

3. I wish my knees didn't look so big 

NOW... I can be negative about this and cry about it or I can do something about it. 

THE SOLUTION: I just need to go back to the gym and workout for an hour a day and in a few weeks/months I will see the results I want to see. Do I do it? Nope. Whose fault is that? 

MY OWN. 

I will NOT starve myself, I will NOT do some crazy diets that will only hurt myself. When I want to drop the weight I will do it on my own and on my time. Maybe I'll start this week, maybe I'll start next week or month. What I want all of you to get from this is that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! No matter where you are in your life, no matter how you look. If you want change then do it but do it on your own terms. NOT because someone told you that you look fat, not because someone told you that you are too skinny (I use to hear this years ago and it hurts just as much as being called fat). If you're not ready for that change then don't fear going up a size or down a size, so that your outfit will fit better. There are times that I need to reach for the bigger size and you know what? I look better in the bigger size than the smaller. Don't let negativity hold you back. I once let that happen to me and all that I got from it is sadness. Thankfully I have changed and will never again let anything hold me back. So please, don't let anything hold you back in living your life. Life is short and we must make the best of it! 

I'm only 26 and in my life I have been told that I am too skinny and so that is why guys don't like me and I have been told that I am too fat and maybe if I lost 50 pounds I would look better in certain outfits. Either way it hurt and now I'm happy to say that NOTHING and NO ONE will ever be allowed to hurt me again. 

A Different Kind of Love

Over the weekend I kept thinking about this quote, it's so true. There have been times in which I wonder if Mr. Husband loves me as much as he says he does. 

I'm a romantic. 

I write love letters/notes, I place them in his wallet, I place them in his lunch box, I leave them in his car. 

I take pictures of myself smiling and send them to him for when he gets off of work he can see my smile he loves so much, there are times in which we don't see each other until late. 

I pick up little gifts here and there and leave them for him to see when he gets home from work. 

I text song lyrics that hit close to home.

I dedicate songs that remind of him.

I make note of special anniversaries.  

 Mr. Husband doesn't do anything like this and so I always wondered just how much he loved me... 

But wait... 

The above quote is one that I will always keep in mind and remember in times in which I feel that Mr. Husband doesn't love me as he says he does. He loves me in his own way...

Mr. Husband cooks and has dinner ready for when I get home from work, school or the gym. 

Mr. Husband does the laundry and puts the laundry away. 

He cleans the kitchen and after himself. 

Mr. Husband spoils me, cares for me, and treats me like a princess.

Mr. Husband loves me in his own way and it's an awesome way!

Whenever I feel that he may not love me because he doesn't love me the way that I want him to, I will always remember that he loves me with his all. Sometimes we all need to step back and realize that yes, people do love you and they love you in their own way. 

Forgive & Forget...

Are you a forgiving person?

I for one am. I'm one of those, much too forgiving persons. You know the kind that you think of people walking all over? Yep, I'm that gal! I get used as a stepping stone and used oh so very often. I have been known to forgive just about everything and everyone. A lot of the times when I forgive someone it means that I will then welcome them back into my life or let them stay in my life. I'm able to forgive but then those around me aren't able to forgive the person who may have hurt me or wronged me. I try to get the people in my life to understand why I forgive but I know deep down they just can't understand my kindness. They can't understand how it is that I was/am able to forgive and forget, they fear that I will only get hurt and be wronged yet again. In the end, for the most part...they're always right. I always end up hurt.

There has been one person in my life that I have forgiven many times. That person has walked in and our of my life just as I have walked in and out of their life. This last time it was my choice to walk away. Now though, in a day of sadness and loneliness I have forgiven. We're toxic in each others lives, we hurt each other too often and too much. I harbor no hate for this person but I have come to the conclusion that I just need to let go and stop hoping for that friendship that existed over a decade ago.

I'm a good friend. A great friend. Yes, I have my flaws but don't we all? I have let far too many people walk all over me and use me (this friend though never did). I have forgiven and forgotten but something now tells me that maybe forgetting isn't always best. I need to remember so that I will not let it happen again. Yet, in times like these in which I feel lonely... I almost want to welcome a certain person back so that maybe I won't feel so alone anymore. Even if that means that it will only be for a few months... but I'll remain strong and not let that happen. I can't hurt her once more, I can't take the pain.

This post came about a few weeks ago when I was feeling very alone. I didn't post it and only saved it to come back to it when I wasn't upset. 

This happens from time to time, I throw myself a pity party in which lasts for a few days. I get past it and then look back to how I acted and how I let everyone see a my weak side 

I always try to hide.

We're all human though, and we all hurt from time to time. Sometimes we just can't help it but feel lonely but we need to remind ourselves that we are loved and cared for. There are people out there that want to be near us, spend time with us and we need to let go and not dwell on the people who are too selfish to notice us. I feel that through this loneliness I have learned that I can't hope and wish for things to change, I need to make that change. I can't hope that people will pay attention to me and then be sad when they don't. I have to put myself out there but I don't have to break my rules or morals to spend time with them. I know who I am and I know what I will and won't do.

Enough is enough. I will no longer be a stepping stone, I will no longer let people use me and though I am always treating people extremely well I will not let that take a toll on me. I will learn to be selfish but not in a bad way.

Happy Birthday to My VeroBabies!

March 7, 2011

Today is/way my VeroBabies birthday and I was lucky enough to be invited to her birthday dinner at the Cheesecake Factory with a few of her close friends! For the first time ever we were last to show up but only because everyone else was very early. It's such an odd feeling to be the one people wait for, I guess there is a first for everything.

Back to my VeroBabies, today God blessed her with another year to accomplish her goals, make her dreams come true and make a difference in this world of ours. She is one of my best friends and I love her with my all, she is the friend that I can always count on and that shares so many of the same passions as I do. She understands me as I understand her I'm so thankful that she loves me as I love her.

Here are pictures of the lovely fun dinner, we spent hours and hours laughing!

You look like a sundae



We sang happy birthday and she played happy birthday



Happy as can be opening up her gifts!

There's a party in her tummy, so yummy, so yummy!

The birthday girl with her LOVE

Reba & I looking AMAZING

VeroBabies and I looking as oh so beautiful

Popping her knee!

Mr. Husband with VeroBabies

VeroBabies' girls minus two (Reba & I)

One Down...Two To Go...

It is finally complete! 

I have been working on a baby blanket for a childhood friend. She will be having her first baby this year and I was invited to her baby shower! She's having a girl! 

I love to be able to give a new mother a blanket made with love. 

Here I am working hard to the very end. Mr. Husband actually got a pretty good picture of me for once! I think I have taught him well! 

 Here is the final protect! I call this baby blanket the Care Bear Blanket. Why? Well just look at it! 

Are you going to tell me that it does not remind you of a Care Bear? 

Now this is no surprise to the mother to be since I told her that this would be my gift to her and asked her the colors she would like. These were the closest I could get to her request but I made sure to really stick to one main request. NO PINK! 

I hope she loves it and her baby girl loves it too. I can vouch for one thing, the blanket is WARM!

I'm so thankful and happy that my mom taught me to crochet. It's a beautiful hobby that I plan to teach my future daughter! 

What would you tell yourself at age 14?

I have been looking into the Campaign for Real Beauty by Dove and this was a topic they had on their site. What would you tell you at 14? I found this extremely interesting. Looking back when I was 14 I needed someone to mentor me, I needed someone older and wiser to be there for me. I didn't need yet another friend but I needed someone to truly be there for me. The following is what I would have told me at 14...

Debbie,

I know how you feel, I know what you're going through and what you need to always tell yourself from now on is that this too will pass. No matter how hard life gets, it will pass. All you need to do is keep pushing through it all.

Never forget that yes, you are beautiful, everyone is. At this age and at this point in your life you still have so much more developing to do. You may be skinny and childlike right now but a few years from now you will have amazing curves that people will be jealous of. Those mean girls that pick on you and TRY to ruin your life will never be able to. They are only mean to you because they are truly jealous of you. They don't have any self-respect and see just how respectful you are of yourself and the way that others respect you. They will never have that, and you DO NOT need to ever be like them. Years from now, they will still be doing the same thing and you will be going to college and as always doing something respectful with your life.

Yes, you will be going to college and because of that you need to study more! Every summer take a course at a community college so that you can get a little ahead with college courses. Don't give up and know that when something is hard it is because you're learning and taking in so much from it.  

When it comes to boys, know this; there is no need to have a boyfriend in high school. It may seem so special and magical but half the time they are distractions and only bring problems into your life. When there is a boy that is younger than you and falls for you don't be mean to him. Treat him how you would like to be treated. There will be a boy two years older than you, ignore him and don't give him any time. He will hurt you like no other. In two years you will meet the most amazing boy! He will love you as a friend and you'll wait for him three years before he realizes how deep in love he is for you. Take this time to focus on you because he will always be there for you as a friend.

Get involved in school, write for the high school newspaper, get on the yearbook staff, and never give up on soccer, you'll miss it years later. Enjoy your youth because while it is passing by slow now, when you're an adult it will fly by and life will get hard.

Sincerely,

Debbie at age 26



Me at age 14 with my cousin in Mexico, Grandma's House.



What would you tell YOU at age 14????